I now hate my life.

I just got done watching a lecture by Maria Popova who is the creator and curator on Brain Pickings, which I believe is one of the best website on the internet.  If you are a creative you need to be reading her website.  No ifs, and or buts about it.  Anyways, I just got done watching this amazing lecture she gave on life and creativity and it occurred to me that I hate my life.  I am a not doing it right. I am really an unhappy person. I see that there is so much I need to cut out of it and so much to replace it with.

For one thing, I need to get out of my house and start living. I’ll talm about that more later. Another is show up and work. Stop letting bullshit and people get in my way.  I let too much and too many people distract me.  I have no structure.  I stay in my house all the time and rarely go out.  I really need to start showing up and put structure my life.  I need start investing in the friends I have and make new ones, and applying the things that my therapist has suggested.

You know my favorite quote is by the  American painter Chuck Close who said “Inspiration is for amateurs, the rest of us show up and get to work.  I have this quote on my business card, yet, I don’t do that.  For Christ  sake, I have 5 unfinished paintings one of which I got money for months ago. I have a film that has been in “Development” for over a year, and a series that needs to be researched and written.

I really can’t keep this up. It all needs to change, change now.

 

 

 

Being the best.

So it occurred to me today that I have taken a very, just let it happen, zen approach to everything.  And surprise surprise it really hasn’t worked. I seem to be spinning my wheels and getting no where. So I came to the conclusion that if I want to succeed I need to have the goal of being the best. The best filmmaker, artist, community leader and person that I possibly and be. Starting here in Tampa; I am going to first concur the bay area.  I also have been letting life passing me by for various reasons which I will share latter. I want a full and rich life. That is going to require a lot of changing on my part.

I know what is required to succeed. I think most people know. But it is always a matter of doing it. Most people, I think the lack action and work required to be successful, or at least for me it has been. And I can’t do that anymore. I have to many great opportunities in front of me, and I have the talent, intellect and creativity to succeed and become the person I want to be. It is only a matter of how much work am I willing to put into it.

A life lesson from war.

The thought just occurred to me while watching the short film Confusion Through Sand  . Very powerful short. I strongly recommend watching it. Anyways, it got me thinking that many times  when a soldier gets wounded in combat, he, if he can, he will continue to fight,; Even if he has multiple wounds.  That is how we must be in our lives. When life hits you and wounds you must get back up and live.  Keep going.  Yes, it can be hard to move but, it is something you have to do.