The past 3 1/2 weeks have been emotionally tough. A lot has gone on and a lot of pain to go with it. I am trying to keep my head and heart up. Stiff upper lip and all that bullshit. One minute I will see the good and wonderful in my life and the next wanting to swallow a shotgun. Remember the bullet never lies. I will get through this. That I am sure. After surviving this past year I am pretty sure I will; however you never know, I might just say fuck it and go check out what is on the other side. And before you all start this more to life bullshit, just stop, I don’t want to hear it nor do I care. Save it for someone who wants to hear it, because I sure as fuck don’t
So things to come. I am really throwing myself into a series that I am developing. My goal is to get it picked up by a network and if that fails, which it most likely will, I will turn it into a web series. I love the long form story. I have a lot of research to do. and many books to read along with numerous articles to cover. On top of that take a crash course into screenwriting. I will get the hang of it, that I have no doubt. Plus, I have good people around me who can give me good notes and advice.
Now if I don’t swallow a shotgun, here is what else is on my plate: I am going to starting writing on a regular basis. This is something I should have been doing years ago, but didn’t, thus wasting my talents. I also am getting back into making art. It has been over a decade since I did any actual work, and there is a lot that is in my head and it is time to start making it.
I am also getting into shape which in itself might kill me before I have the chance. I really need to get into shape. Along with comes meditation. It is something I have to do but am terrified of doing. I am afraid pain will come p0uring out of me. I think I am afraid to feel certain things. Certain degrees of pain.
I also just need to become the person I want and need to become. I have so far to go if I am to get there. I do not know who if anyone will be with me on that journey if I take it. I just know I need to take it and that is the hardest part.
till next time.